Looking Out To Sea

Taking time away from capoeira

Over two months ago I decided that I couldn’t continue training capoeira while not enjoying it and I was definitely not enjoying it. But two months into this break I have to ask myself some awkward questions about restarting. It’s still something I want to do.

Initially I had “March” in my head as a return date. I don’t know why. That would be a break of four months — I’m at the halfway mark now. What will have changed by March? That’s what I need to answer.

I want to feel like I’m making tangible progress in my skills — so that I can have fun in the roda and enjoy myself in class too. Classes had become frustrating and a waste of time. In the roda I felt more uncertain and incapable than ever, while nothing was ever enjoyable. I’ve been treading water for some time and it seems like the accepted answer is to keep treading long enough for the tide to slowly move me to where I want to be. This is not a sensible approach to learning.

I started this post as a way to clarify my goals. I have written and deleted many hundreds of words but not decided anything.